Hate, Anger and Jealousy

|| Hate, Anger and Jealousy ||

It is impossible for you to be healthy, if you are with hate, anger and jealousy.

Hate is like a poison pill; you eat that pill and think others will die. Those who swallowed poison pill will die, not others.

If you want to give hatred to others, you must first create that hate poison in your body. Then you can give to others. You can only give to others what you already have. 

•     If you have poison, you give poison.
•     If you have love, you give love.

Hate makes you sick. Others may or may not take your hate. The only truth is that it will poison you first, in the process of hate.

Anger is like a fire charcoal, if you are going to throw it at others, it will burn your hands first. The fire you throw may not fall on others or others may escape from that. But the only truth is, burning your hands and your body for sure.

Jealous is like a handless full sharp sword. Before you harm someone, you have to harm yourself. Others may or may not be wounded, it will depend on them. With jealousy, you ruin your life by making risky decisions and thereby destroy your life and peace. If you use the sword without a knowledge on its features, it will hurt you first.

You should not be jealous of your neighbours car and buy one. You should go for a car, when you want to buy and have required financial capacity.

If you look for a more healthy person in this society, you will see that they are free of this hatred, anger, jealousy and fear. That made them stay healthy.

Those who have this hatred, anger, jealousy and fear, are more likely to have many health issues.

If you want a life of peace, bliss, and health, increase love in your life and reduce hatred.

Swami Vivekananda Says:

Love the foe, love the whole world, and fill the world with love. Foot service is an expression of humility.

Author: GCV (Vishnuvardhana GC)

• Kannada Blogger

Kereya neeranu Kerege chelli

Author Disclaimer:

I’m not a robot to be constant, consistent and complete, I’m a normal human and my blog will be contradictory like director give multiple movies have different opinions on the same subject or different subjects. I flow like a river, I really don’t look for sand, rock, trees, house, and so on. Intention is helping as many as possible before reaching the ocean. I strongly recommend to consult expert’s advice to follow and adopt any methods. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being.

Emotional Intelligence [EQ]

Emotional Intelligence [EQ]

Today’s big challenge of personal and professional life is; dealing with emotions. Human beings are emotional creatures, it’s important to understand and deal with emotions. To manage emotions, we need to learn emotional intelligence [EQ]. EQ is more important than IQ.

Thoughts and Emotions are parts of your stored memory.  Here are the definitions:

Thought: an idea or opinion produced by thinking, or occurring suddenly in the mind.

Emotion: a strong feeling deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

Emotions are very strong feelings, if you are disturbing anyone’s deeper emotions. Be ready to face consequences. Because most of the people are living like animals, if you trigger them emotionally then react like an animal. We are human being's, we have intelligence; if we use intelligence on every emotional trigger, we should respond and not react.

Example: Assume someone calls you a Dog, suddenly you jump on him like a real dog. In this case you are proving him. Because you reacted almost similar to a dog. If you use your EQ; you don’t react, you will respond. If someone calls you Dog, just think for a second, are you really a Dog? Your intelligence tells you that you are a human being. So, the person calling you as a Dog is either blind or mad,  just give a smile and move on. This I call as an EQ response. It upsets the other person and he will behave like a real dog.

Here is a great example, how Buddha used EQ: 

Buddha was passing through a village. Some people were angry, very much against his teachings. They abused and insulted him. Buddha listened silently and said, "If you are finished, then allow me to move on. I have to reach the next village, and they will be waiting for me. If something is still remaining in your mind, then when I am passing back by this route, you can finish it."

They said, "We have abused you, insulted you. Are you not going to answer?"

Buddha said, "I will never react. What you do is up to you --- I will  never react, you cannot force me to do something. You can abuse me; that is up to you --- I am not a slave. I have become a free man. I act from my center, not from my periphery, and your abuse can touch only the periphery, not my center. My center remains untouched."

Air or wind can touch or disturb the tides or periphery of the ocean. Deep ocean remains stable and undisturbed. Learn to stay in deep. If you are living in the periphery, small air blows can disturb you.

So, Buddha said, “Now I am centered. Ten years before it would have been different; if you had abused me, then I would have reacted. But now I only act.”

Here is another example of EQ:

Here the dog is controlled by its tail; actually, the dog should control its tail. Similarly, don’t be a slave to your emotions, be the master to your emotions. Egg Example is the best one on EQ.

Emotional intelligence explained with Human Brain: (based on scientific study)

Look at the below image: emotions are marked at center of our brain, thinking or intelligence are at the forehead. Generally, all our emotions are triggered after receiving them thru Ears and Eyes. Unfortunately, most of the people not using intelligent areas of the brain. If you start practicing using intelligence, you will not react, you respond.

How to practice or start using EQ:

Remember, today most of your behaviors and actions are results of repeated practices. Start practicing of using intelligence, this erases earlier brain neurons paths and recreates new neural paths that will redirect every input to intelligence parts of the brain, before responding. If you keep on using regularly, these new brain neurons will become highways and your brain will automatically redirect everything to intelligence parts. [Observe most of the Sage’s and Swamiji’s; they use this EQ in most efficient way.]

Here are the simple practices, that will help you to redirect and use your intelligence over the emotional reactions:

1. Someone behind you continuously honks at the traffic signal, instead of thinking bad about him and boil your emotions, use your intelligence. He could be illiterate or not cultured in a good environment and making these actions and you can’t teach him good behaviours in 1minute, so just relax. 
2. Kids are making a lot of noise, instead of thinking bad. Just imagine for a second, you were also doing more or less similar things when you were a kid.
3. Someone driving rashly on the road, just laugh at him. Instead of feeling your emotions. This rashness is a cultured and consistent habit of that person, you are not here to correct everyone.
4. Someone abuses you, think for a minute and respond. Stop reacting.
5. Someone treats you in a very bad manner or some people are irritating you. Just think for a minute, if they get the same kind of parents, education, environment and learning as what you have, he or she might behave similar to you. Understand that, they lack opportunities or not matured like you.
6. Choose every emotional trigger which is happening in your surroundings for your practice. Understand all are happening with some reason or purpose, simply nothing will happen. And self-evaluate yourself, how cool your emotions are in those situations and conditions.  Few examples are given below:

• Sudden power cut.
• Computer or mobile freaks out.
• Online order not delivered on-time.
• Sudden change in work.
• Sudden change in environment.
• Your vacation plan got cancelled.
• Your friend keeps you waiting.
• Your bike or car got an issue.
• Meeting does not start on-time.
• Getting trouble in joining a meeting.
• Harsh email received from your co-worker or client.
• Someone blaming you for other's mistakes.
• Unexpected happenings.

“30 Minutes meditation in a day makes you master of Emotional Intelligence” [Ref: Meditation and EQ]

Benefits of Emotional Intelligence:

1. It will avoid many personal and relationship issues.
2. It helps you to handle difficult situations in your professional life.
3. It helps you to build good and healthy relationships with clients and business.
4. It helps you to make the right decision in the worst condition. (Personal and Professional)
5. This is one of the most required soft skills in current days.

Here is a Final touch:

Dog is chasing this scooter guy, he parks the scooter, takes a stone and runs behind the dog. It runs away. Later he starts scooter, dog comes back and barks. Again, he parks and runs behind, the dog runs away. Again, he starts scooter, dog comes back and barks. Again, he parks and runs behind the dog. Now think and tell me?! Is he controlling the dog or dog controlling him!  Don’t allow dogs to control you…Use your emotional intelligence.

Click and Read this section to avoid emotional Critics à Sending Email/Message when you are angry?

Author: GCV (Vishnuvardhana GC)

• Kannada Blogger

Kereya neeranu Kerege chelli

Author Disclaimer:

I’m not a robot to be constant, consistent and complete, I’m a normal human and my blog will be contradictory like director give multiple movies have different opinions on the same subject or different subjects. I flow like a river, I really don’t look for sand, rock, trees, house, and so on. Intention is helping as many as possible before reaching the ocean. I strongly recommend to consult expert’s advice to follow and adopt any methods. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being.   

Anger Management

Anger Management

 Anger is a root cause for many health issues, Anger is a root cause for many relationship issues, and Anger is a root for many social and financial issues. Anger make human as an animal.

There is a saying: When you get angry take a deep breath and count 1 to 10. Reason; when you are angry, any decision you take at that moment may not be a right decision, because you are not using your intelligence before you respond.

Let’s see with few examples, how anger affects life:

Story of Stupid Father:

Father brought new Blue Audi car, he parked in garage at home. His 4 year old son looked at it and he carved his father name using keys sharp edge. Suddenly his father noticed that entire car got big scratches, he took some wood and beat him heavily. After few minutes, he realized that it’s a great damage he did on his son, because his son’s both the hands got broken by his evil act. He looked both car and his son, he realized that he can buy two new Audi cars, but he can’t give back his son’s hands. Later he gave insight into his son’s act on the car? He had written – Father’s Name and I LOVE YOU DAD .

Story of Wise Father:

Son came and asked, dad now a days I’m getting angry very frequently, tell me how to overcome? Father suggested him, any time you feel angry you go to the tree which is opposite to our house, take 5 nails and hit. Do this act, every time your feel angry. His son followed his dad’s instructions, started doing it as and when he was angry. Slowly his frequency of anger reduced and he started getting into no angry state.

Son asked his father, now days I’m not feeling angry and some time I feel joy and happy. Father suggested, any time you feel joy or happy, go the tree you nailed and remove 5 nails (which were nailed earlier) from the tree. Do this act every time you feel happy or joy? Son started following his father’s instruction. After few days he removed all the nails form the tree. He returned back to his father and asked. I have removed all of them, what next?

His father took him to the tree and shown the wounds and damage that happened to the tree when he nailed. After removing nails also, he can see big wounds and damage on the trunk of the tree. Father explained to his son. Anger is something similar to this, if you scold or criticize or conduct bad actions when you are angry, it will not be possible to erase those wound of mind or body which are created by your actions. You can do whatever the favour or give whatever the material you want, those bad memories or acts will stay forever.

It explains that, when you are angry do nothing, take no decision, and take a break.

How anger affects your health:

Any negative feeling disturbs you, especially; Anger, Jealous, enmity, and revenge are the worst negative feelings these are the root cause for many health issues.

Let me explain using examples: A Russian psychiatrist Pavlov conducted an experiment on the dog with the meat (Other Ref source: Click). He predicted the dogs would salivate in response to the food placed in front of them, but he noticed that his dogs would begin to salivate whenever they heard the footsteps of his assistant who was bringing them the food.

After few days he just changed the pattern of serving, before he bring a meat bowl, he asked to ring a bell, after few minutes he started serving meat bowl. After few days dog realized the pattern, the moment he bells, dog started salivation.

With this he realized that material is nothing to do with our body, thought can trigger physiological and hormonal changes in the body.

So, when you have good feelings you produce some chemical in the body that supplies to, all the body organs and your feel joy and happy. Similarly whey you have negative feeling, your body produces some chemicals that is equivalent to poison, it will impact every organ in the body and that introduces; down, dullness, sickness, and diseases in the body.

Anger, Jealous, enmity and revenge feeling are like poison tablets (capsules) you are consuming and thinking that other person will die. This will never happen, person who consumes capsules will die, not the person you think of…

Today’s most of the health issue are arising due to Anger and Fear. (Ref: Why You Get Disease)

What if someone create anger in you?

Here is what best advice given by father to the son. Before he died, he called his son and told him. You may not be possible to understand what I’m saying now, but I want to you to remember these words and use them when you are matured enough to understand what those words means to you. And don’t forget, what I’m teaching right now.

Father guides his son, if someone create anger in you? Tell the person you will come after 24 hours to answer him. And wait for 24 hours, after 24 hours whatever comes to you, go and do.

(Source: Osho: if somebody creates anger in you)

Sending Email/Message when you are angry?  

It’s really a good idea to follow the method, what our great leader Abraham Lincoln followed.

He was about to criticize General Meade for his actions and wrote a letter for the same, fortunately it was not sent to him, here is that letter, It was found among other unsent angry letters after Lincoln’s death. 

My Dear General, 

I do not believe you appreciate the magnitude of the misfortune involved in Lee's escape. He was within our easy grasp, and to have closed upon him would, in connection with our other late success, have ended the war. As it is, the war will be prolonged indefinitely. If you could not safely attack Lee last Monday, how can you possibly do so south of the river, when you take with you very few -- no more than two-thirds of the force you then had in hand? It would be unreasonable to expect and I do not expect that you can now affect much. Your golden opportunity is gone, and I am distressed immeasurably because of it. 

-Abraham Lincoln 

Any time he feels to criticize someone, Lincoln used to write a letters and those were never sent to the recipients. He was writing reading self and keeping with him only, he never sent those letters to any.

Still you want to write an email or express criticism or anger? Follow the below steps:

Step 1: Write how angry you are at this person.

Say exactly what’s on your mind. 

Step 2: Add this sentence to the bottom of the email

You know what, it’s no problem. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have made the same mistake. It was my fault for not thoroughly explaining the directions.

You’re an invaluable asset not only to our business [or my life], but to the entire comradery of the team. It’s a petty mistake, one I hope won’t happen again, yet I understand. Next time, I’ll be clearer on the directions. My apologies. Thanks again for everything you do.

Step 3: Send the email to yourself, read it 30 minutes later.

Check, how does it feel to receive that?

(Source: Abraham Lincoln's Unconventional Technique For Handling Stressful Conflicts)

Some situations demands anger, how to deal with it?

If situations demand your anger, try this way; show your anger the way you are supposed to show and make that expression of anger not affecting your internal organs of the body and bodily hormones.

Because some professions are not possible to run without showing an anger. Use above techniques to run the business as usual. And make sure that anger should be purely an acting (external) and internally you should be in absolute peace. Like one person playing a villain role and behaves as a wild like a rude animal, but in his real life, he is a very innocent, cool and calm person.

Understand the difference in acting and being, when situations demands your anger. Just act don't react.

Anger is disease. Best methods to come out of Anger is; start practicing meditation. Meditation is a medicine for Anger!

Refer below link for more help on Anger:
How to Control Anger - Sadhguru
How to deal with Anger, 3 Tips in less than 60 seconds
ANGER harms ME not THEM: BK Shivani

Author: GCV (Vishnuvardhana GC)

• Kannada Blogger

Kereya neeranu Kerege chelli

Author Disclaimer:

I’m not a robot to be constant, consistent and complete, I’m a normal human and my blog will be contradictory like director give multiple movies have different opinions on the same subject or different subjects. I flow like a river, I really don’t look for sand, rock, trees, house, and so on. Intention is helping as many as possible before reaching the ocean. I strongly recommend to consult expert’s advice to follow and adopt any methods. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being.